A letter to P.

To my dearest friend, Peter.

You know, I was just chillin out on my bed, reading a book and drinking some tea, pretending to be a healthy, balanced, spiritual person who's got their shit together. While also smoking cigarettes. You know me. So anyway, as I was layin on my bed I got a notification on my phone and even I was surprised at how much I hoped that it came from you. My heart started pounding faster and I was terribly disappointed when I saw that it was just one of my friends, and not you.

Because you know, I love you, yet you can never understand the true nature of my love. And that is because even I cannot understand myself. I love you as a friend, I love you as if you were the only good friend for me left on earth, even though I know it's not true, I know that I have plenty of people who care about me and love me, and you helped me to believe it. And maybe this is the reason why I have such strong feelings towards you. Because if I don't meet you back in November I may still don't believe that the people who say that they stand beside me at my worst, really mean what they say. You've taught me how to trust people after so many of them betrayed me and I will for ever be thankful.

I love you in a truly peculiar way. I love you like a friend. I love you like a teacher, mentor. I love you like no other. But I also hate you. I hate you because I can't believe you when you say that you love me and that I've helped you the most when you were going through depression. But despite all my doubts I hope that one day I will trust and believe you the way you taught me to trust everyone else.

I love and will always love you.
With all the love I can give.
F. ♥

Dear Dad

Dear Dad,

I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for raising me and my brothers the way you did. Thank you for all the love and support we've received, and thank you for making the first 11 years of my life absolutely perfect.

A day does not go by without me thinking of you. I miss you and think of you every single way. I try to live my life in a way that you would approve of and I hope that you are with me or you see me from somewhere and you are proud of who I've become. I know that I've made mistakes but I hope that you forgive me and you still love me the way you loved and love everyone else.

I will always be thankful for you and Mom for raising me the way you did.
I love you both and I hope I do you proud.
F. ♥

Faith Myca Morgan

Hi there,

I am, quite obviously, Faith Myca Morgan. Not like it's my real name, these names don't even exist where I live but let's just say that here, I am Faith Myca Morgan. These three names all mean something that is very important for me, hence I decided to use them. Faith is an enduring belief that does not require proof. It's being able to believe in love, in happiness, in deities. Myca is someone who is like God. I like to believe that it doesn't matter which god. Just someone who is like a god. Like someone you look at and think that they are the one. The one who gives a meaning to your life. And Morgan... Morgan is the dweller of the sea. Who never docks, who is always out there. ♥

Oh gosh, what else should I write about myself? I've started and had so many blogs in the past, yet I still don't know what to say in the first few posts. Like who am I, how old I am, where do I live, what do I like? Why am I writing here or what are my plans with this? I literally have no idea.

I am 18 years old, closer to 19, actually. I live in Budapest, the beautiful capital of Hungary - and please, let's just not talk about the current political state here, I know, I know, I'm not really proud of that. I currently live alone in the heart of the city, my mother lives in London, my father passed away when I was 11, and both of my brothers had moved out. So here I am, with only my cat, in a flat that was originally designed for four people. I wouldn't say that I have a lot to do, and I'm not a very extrovert person anyway, so blogging became one of my only ways to get my thoughts out there. It just helps me not to go crazy.

But despite the solitude that sometimes devours me, I like this way of living. It's chill. I decide whether I want to be around people or not, I decide what I want to eat and when, I decide what I want to watch on tv, and I don't have to share my bottle of wine with anybody, which is always a big plus. So yeah.

I think that's enough for today. Noone is gonna read it anyway so why bother. I'll just go, cook something and then maybe watch a movie or two. Because that's how I roll. LOL, like anybody cares.