Things and stuff

Life has been pretty chill lately. The 15th of June was our last day at school, after which I immediately left for London to visit my mother. We had some fun, I went to an Offspring concert with her colleague and attended a TV-show recording where we saw Iggy Pop and Rebel Wilson IRL so it was fun, really. I came home on the 3rd of July and haven't really done much since.

I mean of course I always have something to do, it's just not much. I've been relaxing and meditating a lot now that I finally have time for it, also I try to do quite a lot of reading because I hate that I've only read five or six books since the beginning of the year because I didn't have time while also having to go to classes and write essays and do homework and all that shit. But now it's all great and fun and I'm really happy. Like really, really happy.

Also, I finally had the chance to spend a few days at my brothers' place, where we usually just cook watch movies all day which is exactly what we did last week. For four days straight. God, how I love to be with them. I mean, watching 12 movies in 4 days? Dream came true, really.

After I came home, I went out to grab a beer with Peter and we also watched one of my favorite movies, which is Mars Attacks - because why not, obviously. Oh yeah, and I got my first birthday gift from him -- an original, first Hungarian edition of Cannibal Holocaust DVD. It's pretty rad, let me tell ya. I came home early in the evening and called Becca over, then we just kind of did nothing, watched a few movies and she also gave me a birthday present -- I got a book by Massimiliano Parente. By the way, she bought it because of the cover, it has Hitler on it with makeup and a pink uniform. She knows how much I am fascinated by the history of WW2. Eventhough the book has nothing to do with that, I am still looking forward to it.

Oh, and on Wednesday me and Becca went out and finally got my dress for prom. It'll be in December but almost every girl in my class has already reserved theirs. It was love at first sight, I looked like a Greek goddess. And I went to my hairdresser today and he already figured my hair out. Perfect planning, I'll just have to do something to my face and my nails. I'm hoping that I'll be allowed to wear black nail polish and dark red lipstick. 

So that's about all. Sunday is my 19th birthday so my next week will only consist of birthday celebrations and photoshoots and party and gifts everywhere and I am so looking forward to it, I can't wait. Even if Sunday's only two sleeps away.

Yeah, this post is kindof all over the place but I am so excited about the upcoming one or two weeks. I am constantly thinking about all the programs and what I'll do and where I'll go and God, I love it. ♥

Romanticising obesity

I know that I am probably the last person on this planet who has not yet shared their views and opinions about the most famous plus size fashion model, Tess Munster (also known as Tess Holliday).

Before even starting this post, let me just say that I do not have any problem with all this new positive body-image movement. I completely love the idea of embracing who you are and how you look. Although I do not agree with neglecting it and not paying attention to its nutritional needs. And I am not fat shaming here because I've been there and I know how hard it is to lose weight and keep it off. (I was at my heaviest in May 2015 at 235 pounds with a BMI of 33.7; now I am 202 pounds with a BMI of 29.0. I still count as overweight.)

Keeping this in mind, I should love Tess Munster because she speaks out for us "chubby girls". But despite the fact that we are (or we were) in the same weight & BMI-category I just can't agree with her message because she is completely delusional about her body and her weight and the effects that it probably will have on her body. In the past, she has stated that she doesn't see herself obese, only overweight.

(...) I'm not morbidly obese -- although I am overweight, but I am not at the point that they are. [She was the face of a reality TV-show where morbidly obese people were helped by a team of professionals to lose weight. This is her opinion about the show and herself.] I don't have a health condition, and I am not going to die if I don't lose weight. I just happen to be curvy.

 So I googled her height and weight and I found a few results. Her height has been stated as either 5"3' or 5"5' and her weight as either 260 lbs or 340 lbs. Let's be friendly here and choose the more flattering data. If she's really 5"5' and 260 lbs -- although I don't believe for a second that she's under 300 lbs -- her BMI is still 43.3. Above a BMI of 40.0 a person is considered morbidly obese which condition comes with a very high chance of different diseases, for example high blood pressure, type 2 diabetes, coronary heart disease, stroke, osteoarthritis, and even different types of cancer -- and this is just to name a few. All in all, I wouldn't call a girl curvy with a BMI of 43.3. Because it is not curvy, it is not chubby, it is nothing but unhealthy and dangereus.

People in the public eye should be very responsible about what they do, how they act, and how they look. And I don't mean that like "oh they should always wear makeup and look perfect and have everything on fleek". No. I would love to see finally a supermodel who poses on covers without makeup, without photoshop, even maybe have hairy armpits and some fat on her body. I mean that Tess has gone too far with the plus size-movement and what she is promoting is just as dangereus as seeing anorexic models on the runway. She is seen by hundreds and thousands of young girls and suggestible teens who are trying to fit society's standards. But this lifestyle is just as unhealthy as struggling with anorexia or bulimia. And it all has to stop.

I believe that everyone should just try to be healthy. It's okay to be a little bit overweight. I know that due to my genetics and medical condition I will never be between 129 and 173 lbs. But I can still try to reach the goals I set myself -- the next milestone being 190 lbs. Which (with a BMI of 27.3) would still make me slightly overweight but I could live with that without having to risk my health.

A letter to P.

To my dearest friend, Peter.

You know, I was just chillin out on my bed, reading a book and drinking some tea, pretending to be a healthy, balanced, spiritual person who's got their shit together. While also smoking cigarettes. You know me. So anyway, as I was layin on my bed I got a notification on my phone and even I was surprised at how much I hoped that it came from you. My heart started pounding faster and I was terribly disappointed when I saw that it was just one of my friends, and not you.

Because you know, I love you, yet you can never understand the true nature of my love. And that is because even I cannot understand myself. I love you as a friend, I love you as if you were the only good friend for me left on earth, even though I know it's not true, I know that I have plenty of people who care about me and love me, and you helped me to believe it. And maybe this is the reason why I have such strong feelings towards you. Because if I don't meet you back in November I may still don't believe that the people who say that they stand beside me at my worst, really mean what they say. You've taught me how to trust people after so many of them betrayed me and I will for ever be thankful.

I love you in a truly peculiar way. I love you like a friend. I love you like a teacher, mentor. I love you like no other. But I also hate you. I hate you because I can't believe you when you say that you love me and that I've helped you the most when you were going through depression. But despite all my doubts I hope that one day I will trust and believe you the way you taught me to trust everyone else.

I love and will always love you.
With all the love I can give.
F. ♥

Dear Dad

Dear Dad,

I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for raising me and my brothers the way you did. Thank you for all the love and support we've received, and thank you for making the first 11 years of my life absolutely perfect.

A day does not go by without me thinking of you. I miss you and think of you every single way. I try to live my life in a way that you would approve of and I hope that you are with me or you see me from somewhere and you are proud of who I've become. I know that I've made mistakes but I hope that you forgive me and you still love me the way you loved and love everyone else.

I will always be thankful for you and Mom for raising me the way you did.
I love you both and I hope I do you proud.
F. ♥

Faith Myca Morgan

Hi there,

I am, quite obviously, Faith Myca Morgan. Not like it's my real name, these names don't even exist where I live but let's just say that here, I am Faith Myca Morgan. These three names all mean something that is very important for me, hence I decided to use them. Faith is an enduring belief that does not require proof. It's being able to believe in love, in happiness, in deities. Myca is someone who is like God. I like to believe that it doesn't matter which god. Just someone who is like a god. Like someone you look at and think that they are the one. The one who gives a meaning to your life. And Morgan... Morgan is the dweller of the sea. Who never docks, who is always out there. ♥

Oh gosh, what else should I write about myself? I've started and had so many blogs in the past, yet I still don't know what to say in the first few posts. Like who am I, how old I am, where do I live, what do I like? Why am I writing here or what are my plans with this? I literally have no idea.

I am 18 years old, closer to 19, actually. I live in Budapest, the beautiful capital of Hungary - and please, let's just not talk about the current political state here, I know, I know, I'm not really proud of that. I currently live alone in the heart of the city, my mother lives in London, my father passed away when I was 11, and both of my brothers had moved out. So here I am, with only my cat, in a flat that was originally designed for four people. I wouldn't say that I have a lot to do, and I'm not a very extrovert person anyway, so blogging became one of my only ways to get my thoughts out there. It just helps me not to go crazy.

But despite the solitude that sometimes devours me, I like this way of living. It's chill. I decide whether I want to be around people or not, I decide what I want to eat and when, I decide what I want to watch on tv, and I don't have to share my bottle of wine with anybody, which is always a big plus. So yeah.

I think that's enough for today. Noone is gonna read it anyway so why bother. I'll just go, cook something and then maybe watch a movie or two. Because that's how I roll. LOL, like anybody cares.